He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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