I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
