eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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