ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
