East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
