Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
