she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
