Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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