dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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