he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
