JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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