She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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