So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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