How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
