And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You made out with two different species that night
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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