I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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