I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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