i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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