I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
