What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
