your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
