I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize