lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
