So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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