He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
