I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
