what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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