Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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