I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize