a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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