Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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