Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
