He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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