Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
