What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
