Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
