if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
