wakey wakey hands off snakey
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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