i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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