thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize