hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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