I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We have started to decorate penises.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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