she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You were trust falling into bushes
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
