help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
