We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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