if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
