So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
