So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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