I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
