...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
