And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
