can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
