I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just high enough for therapy.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
