Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
