I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize