My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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