Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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