I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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