If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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