erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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