I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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