just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
