i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
no you cant smoke seaweed
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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