Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
