question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
